How to Stop Being So Judgy
Erica Schwartzberg for The New York Times
We pass judgment all the time, and sometimes we don’t realize we’ve done it. Research suggests that when people see a new face, their brains decide whether that person is attractive and trustworthy within one-tenth of a second.
I asked experts for advice on how to catch yourself when you’re being overly judgmental — and what to do instead.
Explore your reaction.
The next time you’re being judgmental, turn the lens on yourself, said Erica Schwartzberg, a psychotherapist in New York City, and figure out what is prompting these feelings.
Schwartzberg, for example, said that she didn’t drink alcohol anymore and sometimes found herself judging others’ drinking habits. “I’ll think, ‘Why do they need that third drink? That seems messy,’” she said.
“When I pause, I realize this judgment isn’t about them. It’s about me,” Schwartzberg said. “Watching someone else drink freely can bring stuff up and make me feel separate.”
Swap judgment for curiosity and empathy.
When you’re curious instead of judgmental, Schwartzberg added, you “make room for the complexity that lives in all of us — including ourselves.”
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