Self-Care Isn’t Selfish: Redefining What It Really Means

Author: Maddy Walters

Rethinking What Self-Care Means

Many people dismiss self-care as frivolous, often associating it with being indulgent, or not worthy of their time. Today’s environment is heavily focused on productivity and success, even if it comes at the cost of our emotional wellbeing. But as the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) points out, consistent self-care practices can help regulate mood, boost focus, and reduce burnout. 

Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s about maintaining a healthy relationship with ourselves, something this busy world rarely prioritizes. 

As a therapist-in-training, I’ve seen how often clients (and honestly, myself too) equate self-care with something you “earn” once everything else is done. But it’s the opposite: it’s what allows us to keep going. We have to widen our lens on what self-care means and recognize that it can be as simple as showing ourselves compassion or acknowledging the small victories we achieve each day. 

Recognizing the Moment After "Arrival"

Most of us have had that moment—you get something done, you hit a goal, and then almost right away you’re thinking, okay… now what? The excitement’s there for a second, and then it kind of slips away, and what’s left is just this weird empty feeling or restlessness. It shows up a lot after the big milestones too: getting engaged, getting married, finishing some huge project you’ve been wrapped up in. Take a wedding, for example. Instead of just being with your friends and family, enjoying the day, your brain’s already skipping ahead, planning the honeymoon or even thinking about what comes next in life. That constant hurry keeps us from being in the moment.

Psychologists call this hedonic adaptation: our tendency to quickly return to baseline happiness after positive change. It’s part of why fulfillment can often feel fleeting.

In mindfulness-based therapy, clients learn how to slow down enough to actually experience the satisfaction of those moments. When you hang out in the present a bit more, you’re taking care of yourself, your feelings, your mind, and it keeps you from burning out, which tends to happen when you’re always looking ahead. Living in the now, even just a little, can bring some peace and actually make you feel satisfied, which is kind of rare these days.

How to Practice Self-Care Through Presence and Gratitude

Presence doesn’t have to look like an hour of meditation or a perfectly quiet mind. You can start small, like noticing your accomplishments throughout the day and actually letting yourself feel proud. Instead of getting stuck in what’s ahead in your day or your week, try just paying attention to what’s in front of you. A warm coffee in your hand, birds outside, even just that little moment where you notice you’re smiling for no reason. It sounds simple, but it’s easy to skip, especially if you aren’t used to doing it. Being intentional about placing these little check-ins of being present throughout your day may feel like a chore to implement for a while, but over time they’ll feel more natural.

Self-Care as an Act of Vulnerability and Self-Compassion

The part of self-care that is arguably the most challenging is the part that asks us to be vulnerable. This could be truly allowing yourself the space to to digest challenging or exciting emotions, letting someone close know that you’re struggling, or asking for help. 

Sometimes it feels easier to keep those emotions tied down, to keep moving in the name of strength. Slowing down can be scary, but allowing yourself these vulnerable moments is part of having care and compassion toward yourself.  

Psychologist Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as treating yourself with the same care and understanding you’d offer a loved one. It’s similar to the “Golden Rule” we all learned in grade school, but seemingly harder to implement. We’re quick to extend patience and forgiveness to others, yet often meet our own struggles with criticism or shame. Learning self-compassion means unlearning that reflex; it’s choosing gentleness over judgment, and remembering that imperfection is part of being human.

When I started to practice self-compassion, I noticed how much more connected I felt…both to myself and to others. It wasn’t weakness; it was honesty. 

Taking good care of your mind and emotions is essential. Presence, gratitude, vulnerability, compassion… these aren’t extras. They’re what make self-care work. And when you actually give yourself that permission, you’re not just better for you—you show up better for the people around you, too.

If you’ve been wanting support in building these kinds of self-care habits, or just someone to walk alongside you while you navigate challenging emotions, we’d love to help. At AGP, we work with each person to find approaches that fit their life, their needs, and their unique journey. You don’t have to do it alone . Reach out to us here.

Next
Next

The Hidden Emotional Life of Anxiety